i feel like i try not to complain.

every now and then, though, i just want to. but why is it that sometimes, when you just want to complain and have someone listen or understand…they feel the need to top your complaint? throw a little pity party where they are the birthday girl or boy and you just got a slice of their massive pity cake.

why do you always have to be wrong, and they are right? even if you aren’t trying to prove a point or make a suggestion. you’re just talking. getting something off your chest. why can’t i just express how i feel with no reprecussions? why is it okay for everyone else to get angry and mean but not for me?

it’s because this is the position i’ve put myself in. i’m the fixer. i mask everything with a smile. i have always pushed EVERY SINGLE TINY problem i’ve ever had aside to make everyone else feel more at ease in their own world. i have constantly been the person by your side helping you when you’re down and listening to your bullshit. i’ve been the only friend who stuck by you while you selfishly ruined every other relationship in your life. and then when it’s time for me to get just a little of that in return, i don’t. when you get angry with me for something petty, and i apologize EVEN THOUGH i know i was in the right…why can’t you do the same for me? why can’t i be angry? why can’t anyone LISTEN TO ME.

i take all of this back.
there are a select few who will take me in all my glory. who will understand.
and i will be with them again in 2 days.

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